What is the best way to enjoy a story, Hermione or Jon Snow style?

Recently, I've started playing videogames for real, and my experiences with them got me thinking about a lot of things. One of them is how spoilers may or may not ruin your experience with a piece of fiction.

I remember when Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was released on the English-speaking countries: at the time, I wasn't fluent in this language, so I had to wait for the translation. To make myself less anxious during this time, I bought some magazines that had articles about the book to know more about it. Some of them had explicit description of the major spoilers, and I read EVERY SINGLE ONE. Even took the time to compare them to make sure there wasn't too much deviation between each, so that I'd know I was getting to know everything right. When I finally got the book in my hands, it was a great reading. I knew all that was going to happen, but the reading experience was great anyway, because I could enjoy every page nice and calmly.

Nowadays, however, I am a bit paranoid about getting this kind of information; I remember how it was an unique experience to read the Red Wedding chapters in A Storm of Swords without knowing ANYTHING about it. Last year, I read Macbeth, a many-centuries-old play which I knew nothing about, and I was completely absorbed by the plot. I want all my readings, watchings and, now, "playings", to be unique, I want to discover everything by myself, make up my own opinions about every detail, to be able to make up my own, particular involvement with the story. It's hard to do it when you get to know too many plot details.

The 'identity' fetish

One of the most valued things nowadays is personal identity. We are always motivated by media and society, to some extent, to be true to our own identity, as if it's the most important thing in life. I too believed in it, but I'm realizing how stupid we may act because of this; it can make you a prisoner of ideals that can change some time from now, and you'll be reluctant to abandon them for already having showed to the world your "true" persona.

Nowadays I believe that this identity thing, many times, is only for wasting my time and energy with worries of what people think about me, and for spending money on things not that useful. Also, it makes me treat and judge people in a way I don't think I should, and now I'm struggling really hard to try and change this behavior.

It all dawned on me after reading some of the last psychiatrist texts. He/she has some real good material in that site, and I reviewed many ideals of mine after reading them. In this one the author shows how incredibly selfish it is to focus so much in personal identity. Of course it is totally fine to be selfish and give attention to yourself sometimes, but it's not worth anything to worry about the image we make in the world:

"A narcissist looks the same every day; he has a "look" with a defining characteristic: a certain haircut; a mustache; a type of clothing, a tattoo.  He used these to create an identity in his mind that he will spend a lot of energy keeping up."

And it's truly awful! Let me give you a simple example of my life: I was always a tomboy in my teens. Didn't like make up, dresses, etc. The thing is, recently I started getting interested in fashion. I even got some dresses here but almost never wear them for fear of what others will think and say to each other. I KNOW it's stupid, I KNOW it shouldn't even be a problem, but it is; I got too attached to this identity of careless girl and now I can't get out of it. It really sucks - especially when you live in a place like Rio, hot as hell, what makes it the most perfect one to wear dresses.

My compulsive book reader identity is another one I had some years ago. I'd read anything, anytime, anywhere; nowadays, however, I am a very selective reader. I almost don’t buy books and mangas anymore, most don't interest me; and it took a while for me to accept this. After all, isn’t it so normal for all book lovers? After a good time, I finally realized I don’t have anything to do with other readers, and shouldn't be doing what I think they do; however, it was painful to abandon this identity, to leave this special group that actually only existed in my head. I'm glad I got over all this; In fact, as the pressure of a gigantic TBR is gone now, I read with more interest and vigor.

I hate myself for all of this, but when I look around me, others are doing the same. They agree and motivate me to keep acting as such, for you are supposed to put yourself in the first place and all. But I don't think this is good at all. You avoid meeting new people and doing new things because of what you think you are. It's time for me to stop caring about creating an image of myself that'll look great of social media, that'll make me more easy to be spotted in the crowd. But I don't want to be remembered by friends through an stereotyped image; I want to be remembered for who I am - a person.

Turning fun time into assignment

I've known that I take myself too seriously for a long time; my parents raised me demanding good performances at school, and I learned to take this ideal to every single area of my life. Surely it's good to be hard-working and fight for great achievements, but everything needs limits. And I have gone to ridiculous extremes last year.

It had become very difficult for me to concentrate in any book of personal interest. Watching any media had turned into an activity difficult to bear. If I went through ten movies last year, it was a lot. TV shows? Only managed about three or four, with few episodes and even less seasons, and for that I needed lots of courage and determination. Heck, I loved these things, why did I had to go through pain to do something light I used to enjoy?

One could say it was only me that had changed and all. And in fact, I did, just not for good. I would procrastinate and all because I wanted to do these things properly. I wanted to get all the innuendos, to critically analyze the photography, soundtrack, and all other details. Oh, and to pay attention to the story, too. Same with my reading; I'd transformed my hobby into an assignment without any meaningful purpose at all. I was treating myself as a professional critic - which I am not.

I guess I wanted to watch and read things critically, but I was doing it all wrong. I wanted to do those things for fun, during my free time, why was I doing this to myself? And it finally dawned on me that it was simply cause I took myself so seriously I couldn't bear watching and reading in a 'shallow' way. Also, I thought everyone I knew was doing it like that. I realized very recently it's not true. Most people are just like me: we watch/read, enjoy and form opinions AFTER the thing, and most times by thinking about what others have to say on the subject.

Of course we must have a critical view of stuff, but we too must chill out! If something about the material we're experiencing is important, we'll see it straight away or just after finishing it. Let me give you a simple, but nice example: the details of sexual subtext with Jaime and Brienne. I saw it straight away during my reading of the ASOIAF books in fact, they're so obvious I thought everyone had got it...  other details we missed can be appreciated later, like I'm doing now, rereading some POVs of this same saga.

My point is: WE CAN'T GET EVERY SINGLE THING IN ONLY ONE SITTING/WATCHING. Most probably, we'll need loads of them to get all the details. That's why it's so nice to discuss things with others - alone, we get only what matters to our view of life and fiction, according to our ideals and prejudices. With others, we are able to grasp more stuff by dealing with way different opinions!

So, if you're reading this, I really don't recommend acting in that way I used to. In fact, I still behave like this to some extent... If you're watching, reading, whatever, because you are interested in the story, go and enjoy it. Reflections upon it to form opinions on more deep level are definitely important, but they should come after experiencing all the material. Turning those nice activities into a chore so that you can mark it as done on Goodreads or other tracking sites is not fun at all.

GoT Season 5 Headcanons

It's Carnival season in Brazil, meaning it's that time of the year when I'd rather stay at home all day, everyday. One of my favorite pastime activities right now is reading speculation treads about Game of Thrones season 5 - as the book series is incomplete, the show will start taking even more liberties than an adaptation should do (in my world, we call this "fanfiction").

I like to imagine new scenes and approaches it could take. And, as someone who has Brienne of Tarth as her Queen of Love and Beauty, there's nothing I like more than to picture her and her house in more important scenarios. So... here are the ones I enjoyed the most. I'm not the greatest Westerosi geographer, I'm sorry if there is any incoherence regarding political information or something like that.

Warning: there's a spoiler-ish information for season 5, something that didn't happen in the books - not yet, at least.

Times of silent desperation

I have a dog who sometimes acts quite angrily, and today my brother was shouting at her again. He gets pissed off really easy; for three years now, he has been shouting at her for not behaving the way he wanted. I tell him to be delicate, that she’s a dog, she doesn’t freaking understand people the way he does. Seriously, I think he just can’t get this: he acts as if the dog should know what he is thinking, he doesn’t want to do what it is needed for her to obey him. What really enrages me in my brother’s actions is that it was HE who most wanted to have her at home, and now he doesn't even help me to take care of her.

Seeing this reminds me of the millions of pets who get abandoned by people like him, who doesn’t have enough patience to instruct their animals properly. They think it’s not their own fault at all and, to save their oh-so-precious time, they just throw the pets away as some shitty object they didn’t like that much. I seriously start feeling sick every time I think about this; what makes my mind wonder about everything awful that is happening in the world right now: war, innocent children living in the streets, taking drugs and killing others to survive. People who fight to exhaustion for a sip of water, people who don’t live, but only survives. I think about the other animals who are suffering for lack of home on their natural habitat, or the ones who are being raised inside a cage like jars to be exposed or puppy-making machines. I wanna scream.

Knowing that all of this happens while I can lead a totally comfortable life is terrible; knowing I can’t change all of those situations is just mind blowing. When I start those reflections, the only conclusion I can get is: what’s the fucking point in living in a world like this? No, seriously, tell me, because I don’t see any. In these times, I lose all my will of being alive.

Despite some obvious problems, I love my life. But I feel extremely guilty of having so much while others have less than nothing; it's been hard to go through the day without getting sick and depressed.

I don’t wanna die; sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all…

My 3 literary faves of 2014 - fanfiction version

I love fanfictions. I started reading them on a very early age - I guess the first one I got was a Card Captor Sakura one. But it was the Harry Potter fandom that made me love it; though these days I don't vary in these readings as much as I used to do. You'll see that, in the list below, there are only BBC Sherlock angst stories, having Sherlock and John as a romantic couple, cause that's like 85% of all fics I read this year. I'm thinking about diversifying more in 2015; anyway, these fics I selected are great ones nonetheless, and I must say I'd really like to have more people to talk about them... 

Cover by consultingpiskies

• More Things Than Are Dreamt Of (1electricpirate) - "In which John is (reluctantly) a wizard, Mycroft is (apparently) omniscient, and Sherlock is (surprisingly) oblivious".

I'm a sucker for Potter!lock, and this trilogy was one of the first ones I read. I don't see it being mentioned that much; at least, not as much as other fics of this theme. Which is a pity, because these stories are really awesome. First of all, the initial idea is great: it's funny to see John trying to hide his magic, and Sherlock eventually having to deal with its existence. I also love that it's not set in Hogwarts, what happens, like, 99% of the times? And the structure of mixing past, present and future makes the story even more exciting. I don't like giving too much away, so I'll just finish by saying that I recommend these fics a damn lot.

• Aparecium (1electricpirate) - "There’s no way anyone will know, no way for even Sherlock Holmes to deduce that today, just this once, John sat back and let the tea make itself."

MORE Potter!lock?? Hell yeah.

Yes, it's by the same author- in fact, it's an AU of the AU. 1electricpirate managed to create a story slightly based on another fic of her own and, in my opinion, it got even better. The premise is the same, but the plot, the character's back stories, and even the  are all different. And still the story manages to be faithful to both books and series. Again I'm not talking much to avoid spoilers, but if you are a fan of this kind of Sherlock fanfic, do not miss the opportunity. It's a great work and it's already on my list of all time favorite. However, I should point out that it's incomplete, a fact that's killing me slowly...

Cover by moonblossom

• A Beginner's Guide to Apiology (VictoryCandescence) - "John ad Sherlock meet for the first time as old men in Sussex".

Didn't your heart break just by reading this summary? Mine did. It was definitely the fic that's affected me the most during this year. The interaction between the two of them is awesomely written, and the themes it brings up - old age, youth, friedship, death, etc. - are treated in such a way that you enjoy the story with butterflies in the stomach both for happiness for the guys and fear for what it definitely coming. This fic has a great, exciting, and sad story, and raises many deep thoughts about life - well, at least it was for me. I won't say much more, only that I cried to sleep after finishing it...

So, if you are into angst, I'd say this is a must-read!

I want to read more fanfiction in 2015, so I'd love to hear some good recommendations from you! As you can see, I love Sherlock, but also A Song of Ice and Fire, Doctor Who, xxxHolic, Orphan Black, etc. My AO3 page is here. I'd also love to have some ideas and tips for me to write my own stories...

My 3 literary faves of 2014 - book version

I guess it's safe to say that this year was the best one ever in terms of reading since I came of age. Not only because I got through many stories, but also because I experienced many different things. I finally learned how to read poetry and got into non-fictional books; I read things I didn't want to but fell in love with them by the end, plus I did some great rereadings. Right now, I'm going through a reading slump, but I hope to keep all this excitement for literature during 2015.

Anyway, without further ado, here are my favorite readings for 2014 - no ranking, just the ones that gave me a lot to think about while I would drown in feels.

• Bartleby, The Scrivener - A Story of Wall Street (Herman Melville)

In the beginning, it was only a college reading. Then, the plot started to become into something so much more than just a short story - it was disturbing me, a feeling that any good classic should provide to the reader. But seriously, what would you do if your work colleague stopped doing anything simply because he or she "would rather not to"?
At first, I was really annoyed with this Bartleby guy, only to slowly realize that this was not a joke, or laziness, or anything. It's all about... emptiness, and being imprisoned in your own home; it's also about empathy, and society's disdain for individual lives. It kind of reminded me of Kafka's "The Metamorphosis".
The story of Bartleby was stuck in my head for some days - during finals weeks, in fact! All I wanted to do was to place myself in the middle of the campus and scream "I WOULD RATHER NOT TO".

• High Fidelity (Nick Hornby)

This book is great if you're looking for a reality shock - that is, if you're someone who's been living in a somewhat privileged social position. The protagonist is Rob, a guy in his thirties who basically lives in permanent adolescence. His relationships - all of them, not only the romantic ones - are usually a huge fail because he can't care enough about other people. All he worries about is himself. Do you think he has any clue of that? Ha.
One day, though, he finally decides to find out what is wrong with his traumatic experiences with women, and some enlightenment is shone on his brain. It's a light, funny reading, but there's this more serious side which I really enjoyed, and I'm even planning on picking this book again next month, one year after my first read. Oh, and let me also recommend the movie, which is an awesome adaptation, and has a great soundtrack!

• A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms (George R. R. Martin)

Another one which I plan on rereading soon. If you don't recognize this title, it's usually referred to as "Tales of Dunk and Egg" - those short stories that take place 90 years before the events of "A Game of Thrones". A time in which Targaryens still own the Iron Throne - in fact, there are too many Targaryens running around the continent. One of them, Aegon "Egg", becomes the squire of a simple man named Dunk.
Even though he says he's a knight, this guy has almost no experience with a sword and no future expectations whatsoever. Dunk is practically lost in a very dangerous land, and usually gets in trouble for being so innocent. His connection with a royal child is very important in some situations, but it doesn't guarantee a good ending.
Speaking of bad consequences, I was devastated and had tearing eyes by the end of the damn first story. I definitely recommend all three of them for any ASOIAF book fan. And I'm already eager for the fourth one - though I do prefer that our dear GRRM finish the oficial series soon...

Well, I wanted to talk about other readings, but then this post would be around 10 pages long... do check my Goodreads page for more recommendations; and if you like fanfictions, stay tuned for part two!

Materialism vs. Minimalism: Working on a Balance

So, this will be another post about consumerism; Christmas is coming, all of that Black Friday hype is still in the air, and I have been thinking a lot about it. I'm a very material person, but I was forced to learn how to buy properly. Some people around me have made shopping into a quite dangerous habit, and I don't wanna end up like them - though I still want to acquire my things. So, I've been planning the best way to deal with this. I've decided I won't simply "try to control myself" like many people recommend, as I've tried that alone and it never works. It's necessary to work on something more concrete - I'm acquiring habits and learning to buy only what I can see that I really care about.

Let's go to the examples: a couple of months ago I finally joined the gym for real. After the first week, I was crazy for a "proper" bag. I was using an old one which my mother had. It was a bit uncomfortable to use it, so you could say I actually needed this acquisition. But I was on this vibe for a couple of weeks, spending hours looking for the best model on virtual and real stores, asking others for recommendations, until I found the perfect one at home. I was doing a good cleaning up on me bedroom, which I share with my brother, and I found a small bag fit for gym. He got this in some promotion years ago, and used only once or twice. It's been laying on his closet all this time in perfect state. I asked him if he was interested in it, and he said I could keep it - all my problems were over!!! Yes, a lesson was learned that day - do make sure if you don't already have the item you need or want laying down on a forgotten closet.

my gym bag: small, discrete, fits everything I need, and it cost me R$0

Book Buying vs Reading

You know those people who buy so many books they practically become hoarders? I used to be like that. Let me make it clear that I don't wanna judge anyone's lifestyle, book buying habits, etc. I just wanna tell how and why I do not fit this style anymore, and that avoiding this collector's life has improved my life and my readings.

Well, I've been a great fan of books since my childhood. At school, I was always the-bookish-girl. I would not only read, but also reread many times the ones that were most dear, and there would always have something new to be learnt. But then I finally got to an age in which I no longer needed my mom to take me everywhere; I started buying things by myself, and somehow I think I mistook the pleasure of reading with collecting all these interesting volumes.

I'd not only buy a lot of books on bookstores - I'd also get many for free with friends that were giving away their collections, for example. My parents were so proud of this consumerism and accumulation on my part, cause oh, they had such a smart girl, right? When in fact what was happening at this time was me getting 10, 15 books per month and only reading two or three - with some sacrifices, four - from my entire collection. There was a point in which my to-read list was insanely long. And we did not even talk about my e-reader, which contained lots of free e-books, fanfictions from AO3, and many articles that had once been waiting to be read on my internet bookmarking file. Too much to read, too little time; simply thinking about its length made me feel a bit tired already.

It took me a while to realize how compulsively I was acting. When the space at home and money available started running out, I finally woke up, and one day I put myself on a sort of book buying ban. As this consuming had long become a habit, I knew I wouldn't be able to just stop buying; the impact would be too hard, and I'd certainly go back to it anyway after some time. I decided to put some meaning in it: I could only buy a book after reading four that were on my shelf.

It was hard to go through it at first, which is normal for a compulsive consumer, I suppose. But after some months the feeling of need to acquire new things started going away, and I was definitely reading more. I stopped using my time with going on the bookstore for that book that sounded so promising and/or everyone loved, and focused more on reading the pile I'd acquired during that couple of years. Because of this, I also realized how I didn't have any interest whatsoever in some of those books; the excitement over them had run out. I decided to sell and donate them, and others which I had read that I didn't plan on rereading. I would only keep the books that were really meaningful to me.

Today, I practically don't buy books if we compare with me-from-the-past. When I do, it's because it's not available on the local libraries, and I read it immediately most of the times. Sometimes I do buy books in order to also keep them as collection (eg. The World of Ice and Fire), but it's a meaningful one, you know. I have to say: it's such a relief to see a small to-read list! You know that you can finish it, you get excited about it, and so you look for it. I've also deleted a bunch of docs and Amazon samples on my e-reader, and now I only have stories and texts that I know why I wanna read. It's quite a great sense of freedom, to focus on just a few things.

I'm still on the buying ban though, just to make sure I won't fall for that black hole again. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bit alone in this kind of thinking, cause I see many friends of mine that love buying books for many different reasons but never get to reading them...  There is a video by Ariel Bisset which sums up perfectly how I feel about this habit - which I mostly believe I grew out of. And if you understand Portuguese, I definitely recommend this text (in Portuguese) that also deals with bookish minimalism.

First Post

One could say I'm quite experienced with blogging. My Tumblr is going to be a four-year-old site in a couple of months - I've been taking really good care of it; However, I'm initiating my fifth blog in three years! And yet I still don't know exactly what I should write for the first post. I do know how to use gadgets, though; the appearance of this site is all done. Let us see if I'll be able to do what really matters, which is to keep this thing updated.

I've kept a nice blog in Portuguese (my first language) that lasted till this year, but it had long gone to the bottom of my to do list. In the meantime, I've made some attempts at keeping a personal site in English, but none of them lasted more than three months. But I'll try it again; Writing used to be a minor hobby of mine, but since I became a college student, I have grown used to this activity. I feel the urge to write from time to time, but I usually don't have a good topic, don't know what to do, and that usually leads to a minor crisis in my head. I don't know to write out of nothing, I need to turn to something else, and it can't be always college. (even though I'm doing what I want, in that "follow your dreams!" stuff).

Anyway, what should you expect to find here? Unambitious texts and thoughts of a simple girl/young woman. About books, TV shows, fictional characters, and any other topic I feel like writing about. It's not meant to be famous or anything; but feel free to send suggestions or any other message you want. My twitter is @_lizziebeer (most of the time I tweet in Portuguese); and my tumblr has the same same of this blog.

That's it, I think. Do make yourself at home! :)