quarta-feira, 7 de janeiro de 2015

Times of silent desperation

I have a dog who sometimes acts quite angrily, and today my brother was shouting at her again. He gets pissed off really easy; for three years now, he has been shouting at her for not behaving the way he wanted. I tell him to be delicate, that she’s a dog, she doesn’t freaking understand people the way he does. Seriously, I think he just can’t get this: he acts as if the dog should know what he is thinking, he doesn’t want to do what it is needed for her to obey him. What really enrages me in my brother’s actions is that it was HE who most wanted to have her at home, and now he doesn't even help me to take care of her.

Seeing this reminds me of the millions of pets who get abandoned by people like him, who doesn’t have enough patience to instruct their animals properly. They think it’s not their own fault at all and, to save their oh-so-precious time, they just throw the pets away as some shitty object they didn’t like that much. I seriously start feeling sick every time I think about this; what makes my mind wonder about everything awful that is happening in the world right now: war, innocent children living in the streets, taking drugs and killing others to survive. People who fight to exhaustion for a sip of water, people who don’t live, but only survives. I think about the other animals who are suffering for lack of home on their natural habitat, or the ones who are being raised inside a cage like jars to be exposed or puppy-making machines. I wanna scream.

Knowing that all of this happens while I can lead a totally comfortable life is terrible; knowing I can’t change all of those situations is just mind blowing. When I start those reflections, the only conclusion I can get is: what’s the fucking point in living in a world like this? No, seriously, tell me, because I don’t see any. In these times, I lose all my will of being alive.

Despite some obvious problems, I love my life. But I feel extremely guilty of having so much while others have less than nothing; it's been hard to go through the day without getting sick and depressed.

I don’t wanna die; sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all…


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